pherenal

2007-06-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

SHIFTED.
pherenal.livejournal.com

probably 50% are private entries, so add me on LJ or ask me for the password :)

goodbye blogger!

2007-06-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

okay, more or less decided.
im SHIFTING to livejournal. shall update the link once im done with it.

why? for privacy's sake. i can hide/lock some posts there.

church today was good. practice was good :)
shant elaborate.

just a BIG :))))))))

-much loves!

2007-06-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

raising that old issue up that is resolved as resolved be, makes me cranky la.
like im tired of thrashing that issue out repeatedly. and having to explain it again and again and again. it'd be best if people not directly related not ask so much i guess especially since its more or less done with. no point anyway. its been talked about to death and back. an exasperating subject and a touchy topic, at least for me. sigh. i appreciate the concern, of course, towards the matter.

youth was good :) worship was good and i enjoyed myself in todays youth svc. the only thing that made me REALLY cranky was main worship prac before my youth worship prac. admittedly we arrived 10 mins late, but wah, drag so long till half my practice time was gone. my face began to turn blue already la. plus that practice was not enjoyable at all; musically wise at points, painful. if it was a great productive one, i wouldnt mind as much.

random points-
its come to a point where i see how things could be now. my eyes are wide open.
days behind my studying schedule.
im seriously thinking of shifting to livejournal, IF i can find a nice skin.
i need someone to slap me wake up.
sometimes i just want to sleep the days away, so tempting so.
i want to want.
- derailed`

i remember december04'

2007-05-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

church makes me :))))))))

it wasnt as great a practice, but it was still nonetheless an enjoyable one. and spastic blues singing and gaying around. it was FUNNY :)

finally famous amos today - my cousin's kid. that makes me an aunty. kinda cute la :) cute baby, but spastic and unglam looking photos. i never carried such a TINY baby before la. i was scared i would drop him.

one overdued midsummer night's dream photo of 06A201; the rest SABRINA HAVENT SENT YET LAH. hahaha -hint hint.

2007-05-31T14:01:00.000+08:00

school holidays are here, supposedly.
the fact that its holidays didnt really register till today- its my first day not going to school.

somehow tho, time is still extremely packed and i feel like im being pulled and yanked about from place to place, from start to end, from a to b to c's schedule. i dont know if i can last it and at the same time, days feel too short for my liking.

i hope im just slightly down in the moods cause' im not yet fully recovered from the food poisoning episode.

i guess i need to be PERKIFIED. (ha-ha mj biz club's perk cafe's stupid perk me perk you)
some of the youth kids went to watch Pirates this morning, and i had tuition :((

i hope the usual formula still works.

leaving the house for church already :)
certain things always make me smile -

but i cant help but feel - so tired.

2007-05-30T23:27:00.000+08:00

dont leave me behind,
dont say goodbye -
pick me up dont let me down
lets fly on high ;

10 Way how to Dump a Guy is hilarious
its a movie alright, not some how-to-do-manual =.=

2007-05-30T20:24:00.000+08:00

collected my phone today- FINALLY. i missed it. its back in action with camera function :))

am so tired- the contacts are killing me, been out the whole day school and the beach trying to read my history.

rushed bought part of tiff's bday present while picking up my handphone at the NOKIA centre. its NICE. i lurrrrrrrve such things.

YAY TMW PRACTICE and FOODTASTING IN CHURCH. YAY :)

incoherence-

"what fools these mortals be" -puck, midsummer night's dream.
sometimes, how true.

2007-05-29T23:57:00.001+08:00

its not bout ownership
its not bout possession
its beyond that; free will
and passion -

we're breaking free
- we're soaring, flying
get to the place that we wnna be
if we're trying,
cos we're breaking free ~

even when your hope is gone, move along
move along, like you know you should

:)

songs are love.

2007-05-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

okay, so maybe i didnt recover as fast as i thought i did :((
- pretty tired/sick still. i woke up way past dinner.

im DAYS behind my so-called studying schedule - yay i rock

going to school tmw for history is the pits. SBQ doesnt seem as simple as i thought it would be. darn.

and i wished for more-
its probably one of those things that will never happen, and i know it too.

Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I wish for, and adore
In other words please be true
In other words
I love you

nice song

2007-05-29T12:04:00.000+08:00

sam's sickness was quite minor i think - he was happily comp gaming in the afternoon yesterday.

GP exam was pretty tough. i was talking bout Cuban Missile Crisis and Sri Lanka for AQ on nuclear weapons. i hope i dint mess up. its supposed to be GP after all..

thanks to all those who wished me well on my tag or thru sms :) im almost as good as new as sleeping nearly the whole day yesterday. heh :)

am hungry but the canteen's closed :((

wnna go shopping!
hahaha tim too. he called me after my gp exam and we were going on and on bout shoppin and styles heh. :)

we're gnna dance dance dance in the freedom we know
we're gnna dance, dance, in the freedom we know
we're gnna dance dance dance in the freedom we know
cos' the freedom we know, is gnna last forever

2007-05-28T13:37:00.000+08:00

intense agony.

i dont think ill like food as much as before now.

food poisoning and its effects at 5 am SUCK. almost like a pregnancy. was a total jelly fish this morning. slumped over my bed, the table, mom's bed, living room sofa and at the doctor's. wobbly, churning. didnt go to school, could hardly make it past my own bed.

am feeling slightly better now.

sam had food poisoning too, during O level chinese which is total bad luck. but at least he didnt look as spastic as i did. and hopefully, o levels is as easy as it should be so at least he should pass.

and i wanted to study today.
- its back to bed.

2007-05-27T20:11:00.000+08:00

church this weekend is pretty great :)

BE ELECTRIFIED! band prac today in one word - ENPOWERED.
perfect, or near perfection, practice. especially the first 6 songs were GREAT :)) its like rising into another entire level by itself. atmosphere, music, people - all just right. and we managed to do EVERY song la. in slightly less than an hour :)

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18

- how true. the power of prayer, or worship, as a team. way to go! :) and of course, many thanks to the people who made it all possible - junlin joan xp xw samuel timothy and uncle steven for controlling the mixer/sounds :) keep it up yeahhhh. and of cos' to the Great One Up There :)

havent touched any work in the whole weekend. HEH

oh and i sent my darling phone for repair. to fix the sploit camera laa. so anyhow, anyone who smsed me in the afternoon basically got their smses wiped out without me seeing it :( and im using some GEY nokia phone which is without colour screen and is probably from the age of Nokia8250 but uglier and fatter and just one grayishgreen lump. hurhur. ill only be getting it back wed or thurs.

gnna try studying tmw with chuawanyun. i realise how LITTLE time i have with Youth Anniv drawing nearer and nearer. first full rehearsals on thurs. excited, but feel the need to juggle my time properly la. if i cant manage my life properly even in something like personally not so significant as studies , how am i suppose to lead others in church? yupp.

feel like moving to livejournal.com

i enjoy locking my posts and making you wonder. hehh

2007-05-26T22:50:00.000+08:00

omg

I HAVENT BEEN SHOPPING IN SO LONG. but anyway it was quite a kick lah. and it was amazingly cheap too! okay not cheap CHEAP, but relative heh :) two pairs of slippers YAY!

flipflops (my all time fav) from NOVO and blue stripped heels from Isetan

have some other things to buy anyway, since i havent shopped in AGES. like wallet, pencilcase, black jeans, skirt, design necklace and whatnot! heh heh.

anyway am feeling SO full. had dinner at some seafood restaurant.

youth was cool. worship was alright. hahaha you cant exactly gauge how good it is when youre the one on stage. heh heh. message was impactful indeed.

but jw jl didnt come today la :( but at least they're coming tmw =D

timothylim, marjorie, jeremy and a few others didnt too! :S

i totally love waking up late today. okay, so its 9 plus am, but its WAY later than 615am for school! :) i need the sleep. i have been looking like panda bear lately despite sleeping before 12am usually.

i love holidays.

yes, despite having to study thru it for the mid years.

YOUTH ANNIVERSARY SOON HURRAH!

AND CHURCH CAMP TOO!

`much loves!

2007-05-25T21:16:00.000+08:00

so today i tried studying in east coast beach since there was no school.
interesting heh.

tried lah.

anyway i went to parkway also i find the type of refillable metal clutch notebook i needed to file all my church msg notes, youth oikos prep, daily devotion, prayer items etc in. YAY. but so ex la 16 bucks for a plastic notebook cover..

shall go SHOPPING tmw! (for a change) have loads of things i need to buy, long hiatus from one of my favourite hobbies heh. going after youth service and i hope all those sickos are better now. heh heh. sick people la :) and youth leaders installment tmw!

and the youth bulletin looks pretty okay too :)

as for soccer finals on fri, MJ got second place la. but its okay :) its really cool to have gotten so far already la. and rj really did play a good match. they are even better than last year. and i saw an old friend too :) he looks so MUCH older. ancient, practically :P

slack slack.
:)

holidays are LOVE.
at least they are supposed to be.

2007-05-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

"I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you and my heart is in your hands

I can't help but ask where's your heart at-
There's so much left unsaid,
And sometimes I want to walk away
But will you tell me you want me stay?"

2007-05-23T20:19:00.000+08:00

in other news, anna gave birth to (famous) amos middle of last night. that makes me an aunty- DARN sounds so ancient la :P but heh heh the photo they smsed over seems quite cute :) his name is a bad thing tho, cos it makes me think of eating those cookies. and theyre disgustingly yummy =D new additional to the family, i can already predict how all the Grand-aunties and grand-uncles, especially the grandaunties, are gnna coo and fight over how long they can hold the baby. world war 3, battle of the grandaunties. haha sounds interesting. will only visit them this weekend tho; i havent done any work today yet- came home and crashed to sleep despite telling myself minutes before that "MUST DO WORK OKAY!"

yah, and i did managed to get out of Colosseum :)
despite climbing over in a rather unglam manner. thats what you get when you carry that kind of sling bag that gets stuck in front of you and the soles of flat shoes practically has no grip. the back gate behind the tennis courts were much easier tho.

anyway gnna get some work done now. i just kinda woke up ^^

2007-05-23T14:32:00.000+08:00

interesting day.
we're being held against our wishes in school.

after school hours is Sports Day a k a Colosseum. this is probably the day i see the most unity in Meridian as yet. like amazing, overwhelming.

haha, united in trying to zhao school and skip Colosseum la. hundreds tried to leave by the main gate, the side gates etc. yah but all either LOCKED or guarded by teachers; you can see the crowding streaming backwards in gloomy faces from the gates la. we have our very own Meridian Jailhouse.

anyway i was gnna climb over the hidden back gate behind the tennis courts. its a good idea k. ive done it before last sports day to leave early after i done my track officiating. but anyway telling one about the gate and then having the whole CROWD following, is a bad idea. guess what, we made it over and while waiting for others to get over, some PE teacher practically ran after us and jumped over the metal gate too. got caught la. but at least no one got reported. probably cos' tonnes and tonnes of people are trying to zhao, they can exactly punish or kick out the entire school can they? but it was quite hilarious. we heard a loud "RUN" and we took off. but coincidentally a taxi leaving school with some teachers came past, so even though we could have outrunned one teacher, we cant outrun a taxi right? hahaha. i was trying not to break out into laughter.

spastic. and here i was, looking forward to some good rest for a change.
am very tired still. and sick :(

sometimes, i love school so so much.
this is one of them =.=

2007-05-22T19:50:00.000+08:00

that end is sooner or later, that i know for ages- ill settle it soon.

been accompanying serena to eat today. and hoho, i pulled a 17 for Austen essay :) amazing since i thought it was one of my lousier pieces of work done in a mad rush to meet the deadline.

am ponning sports day tmw. if i were a j1 i wont mind spendin my time there. but now, its just a waste of time la, no offence. like, i'd love extra time to sleep. the eye bags are getting darker and uglier i swear. and i have been sleeping before 12 this two-three days. ugh :(

shall go for thurs soccer match tho :) should be fun.

i need a spurt of adrenaline rush, wind in hair.
maybe night biking might just be the right fix.

being sick is awful. i hate the feeling.
i havent been this sianed/lethargic/grumpy in ages and ages.

i wish friday would come.

2007-05-21T19:43:00.000+08:00

proper school mon tues wednesday thurs
BUT colosseum's (some kind of sports day) on wed, soccer finals against rj on thurs and almost certainly holiday on friday even if we lose soccer heh heh.

feel like ponning everything outside of curriculum la.
still have yet to recover from the flu bug, am pretty much tired/lethargic tho not as bad as sunday.

a shut of the door, no matter how polite or nice, is still a shut isnt it?

been thinking lately, most probably how taxing, how pressuring, how thankless this job is gnna be. everyone's just gnna expect you to do it, expect it to be done well and blame you if anything goes awry. i dont think i can be perfect and im not completely sure if i can handle it ALL.

what i do know tho, it will be the Right Path. at least for me.

i can predict a tirade and whole spectrum of emotions. i only can hope that what i so strongly believe in lifts me up to fly. fly above it all.

i still have faith, i have hope.

i just pray that its not gnna be too turbulent a route.

2007-05-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

im tired of un-conclusions, of uncertainties
its not for sure
but yet, its not ending.

its put on hiatus ever so often of the late, and once in a while, it appears to disrupt the usual flow of the stream..

unsettled feeling,

its quite hard to put certain things away sometimes.
and this is one of them. spanning across two long years or so. ups, downs.

such a conflict.
i want to know, for a change.

2007-05-20T15:43:00.000+08:00

pick me up
- when i fall down ;

not in a lousy mood la; but tired, cranky, tired.

and ive finished all the medicine. darn darn darn.

5 essays UNDONE. but gnna go sleep now.
partying is fun but two days in a row is amazingly exhausting.

2007-05-19T23:25:00.001+08:00

YAY. have given jw jl their presents and joan hers!

nice right?

collage!

sexy :)

and hardcore proof that SAMUEL is GAY

went for midsummer night's dream after youth. was so tired. play was not too bad, emma yong was cool but i left abit earlier with serena. really tired. i was kinda grumpy (for a change) during today's youth. subzero energy level la thats why.

i have no time to touch ANY of econs essays. i believe there like 5 of them. gah

2007-05-19T11:23:00.000+08:00

haha i forgot to mention, mj beat sa in soccer yesterday :)
so its here we go to the finals on thurs against rj! how exciting. and hopefully hols on friday too =D

anyway am SO TIRED this morning, i had to drag myself out of bed to make it in time for extra lit lecture at 830. good thing my class after that was canceled :) going to church very soon, for pracs, youth service, then right after is mid summer night's dream at fort canning park. i wonder if i can make it on time.. hmm.

oh and i lost my voice :((
screaming and singing at the top of my lungs with two other crazies yesterday but i didnt lose it till THIS morning. gah. hahaha dunno how im gnna prac tmw, but there still WILL be practice la. im taping it down as well, to check for stage prescence that kinda thing.

- and these are what friends are for ;

tis a pity the whole bunch of the rest didnt join us. heh but i think they had fun twistering, card gaming, fooling around too la :)

love!

2007-05-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

omg i am SO HAPPY.
official weather forecast today was rain with thunders in the afternoon.

but guess what, God is so good, I prayed for no rain till i reached home and not only no showers AT ALL (which is so unlikely since these few days have been pouring like mad), the moment i reached home, it poured :P hahaha.

the party celebrating jun wen, jun lin & joan's birthday - cum - slack day went great. gayed with joan, biked with sarah tim joan darren, twistered with EVERYONE, taiteed with xp darren jl jw, screamed sang went crazy with sarah jl, ate, bought birthday cake (from coffee bean YUMMY chocolate) and so on. it was SO FUN. tim is so excited hes already starting to plan for the next one lmao.

the planning was quite complicated, but its so fun, it all paid off =D i hope joan, jl jw are happy yeah :)

tmw one big rush. lit lecture, tuition, church prac, youth, then midsummer's night dream.

thank you God for everything. for lovely friend, for the weather, for everything.
- always and forever

:)

2007-05-17T19:50:00.000+08:00

still happy, tho sick :(

i just fell sick today. gah flu bug :(((( i left school two periods early

I WNNA PARTY TMW YOU KNOW. sigh

and i hope it doesnt rain! :)
PRAY it doesnt rain man.

2007-05-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

been on perpetual high lately.
and two days in a rowwwww. the bus thing again heh. totally rocking.

did my Q T so much earlier today, at like 6 pm lol. but its better la, since at night im always cramming things, might forget it lol.

today was pretty exciting anyway. I WENT TO A PASARMALAM WITH SERENA AND SABRINA after school! hahahahaa i havent been to one for years and years okay! just went to take a look before heading home la. picture this, three JC students in school uniform at a stall looking at STICKERS. tinkerbell, spongebob, winniethepooh, spiderman, snoopy, princess, all got. lmao. quite pretty and darn cheap la. i sound so spastic, but i guess im finding joy in all little things. like going pasarmalam heh :)

and at night, planning for friday's beach party of sorts! phone calls, mass msns and all. hahaha i cant help but tease nat and xp and joan and jl a bit. twas' fun. LOL

a good half the school week's gone! make it thru tmw and its almost the start of the weekend fun! :) its only one more day. hehheh.

and do you know how WEIRD it is for your dad to tag on your tagboard? hahahahaha
shocker.

ive kinda decided im gnna get a necklace from chomel soon :) yay.

cant wait cant wait for everything :)

loads of :) :) :) :) in this post!

love!

2007-05-15T20:09:00.000+08:00

shopped with nat, we concluded all the items that we needed to buy heh. YAY :) but yet AGAIN, i didnt buy a single thing for myself :( hahaha

went to xpxw's house after that. xw only came back MUCH later, when we were nearly done with the collage. but its not bad la! except my handwriteing but that cant be helped la, the stupid wood smudges the handwriting.

anyway im utterly grateful to the Big One Up Above.
everything in His time will go right. seriously. trust and wait in Him, and you'll understand in due time. im so grateful for SO MANY breakthrus this year; in burdens in baggage in friends in relationships in youth in church. and you know what, im glad He withheld certain things certain information from me. if i had known some of them, i would have cracked so much earlier on. everything is happening at the right time. like how the youth is moving now. how relationships are working out. and im so THANKFUL for that. thankful for every little thing that He's shown His hand at work.

haha i love God so much la. He's so real even in small everyday things; like yesterday's incident.
and i love all the Livewire! youths so much too. every single one of them. hard to believe? but its true..

of course, its not ALL pitch perfect and lala glory, but everything is gnna work out towards there. i have faith :)

cant wait for friday.
but ill so have to study HARD today and tmw, else ill feel DARN guilty for partying the entire friday la k.

- have you heard of the One called Savior?
have you heard of His perfect love
Have you heard of the One in heaven,
Have you heard how He gave His son
'Cause Ive found this love -

2007-05-14T17:31:00.000+08:00

whoah. im suddenly craving to go shopping.
like REAL shopping with flexible cash and for dressy clothes! hahaha. i was viewing the forever21 site and crap, i just realised how LONG since ive bought something i REALLY liked. which was the oriental futurestate top during the chinese new year period.

tmw im going shopping, but not REALLY shopping. gah.

but anyway i saw that AUNTY today. haha chua wanyun la i mean. shes still EXACTLY the same. and yay, i totally miss her heh. something like good old days. and she owes me a treat for going all the way to tampines sport hall to see her! :)

holidays im gnna go buy slippers, flipflops, wallet, and hopefully a few dressy tops as well as a couple of bottoms. i swear, im DEPRIVED. i have no time at all to shop :( cept when im rushing to buy someone else's present that is. eitherwise i hardly have the luxury to kill my time on a whole afternoon of mass shopping.

rant rant. but anyway ill be happy to see some of my church youth kids tmw :)

hahaha. its amazing how easily happy i am these days.

cant wait cant wait. shop, make, gay, party, midsummer's!

"dance dance dance in the freedom we know
b'cause the freedom we know is gnna last forever"

2007-05-13T20:08:00.000+08:00

im happier today.
things are settled, set in dust, and in place. :)

the unity of teamwork eh.

youth worship practice was quite good heh. but its not YET perfect la, so must practice more heh.

and HOT! date on tues with nat to go shopping and after, a friend's house :)
and combined birthday PARTY on friday. yay

life is good.
hahaha as for studies, ill do what i can in my free time and leave the rest to God.

cant wait for Be Electrified! and the new youth tee etc. YAY
cant wait for Planetshaker's concert

am so tired, so ill sleep earlier tonight for a change. no more late night trying to fix problems or whatever

2007-05-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

2 battles in like.. 2 weeks. wow
we win of course :)

its all about combined teamwork and nothing but that. :)

im looking forward to cell
im looking forward to Be Electrified!

no matter what, as long as you got the Great One behind you, you know youve got it down to pat. just perservere on!

dinner at Swissotel for dad's birthday cum mother's day.

am VERY happy now :)
worship was decent on top of that. thank You for blessing me.

and tmw's practice will be good yeah :)

love!

- the past is gone, move along move along,
like you know you should.

in more aspects than one.

oh and i havent touch a single piece of work lmao.
but finally i can sleep the FIRST good night in the entire week. roxsox

2007-05-12T13:40:00.000+08:00

woke up this morning with the same feeling like a nasty hangover. a really nasty one.

havent been sleeping well the past consecutive nights over some things
yesterday i managed to sleep earlier than usual at 10 plus, but lol i received three calls while sleeping lmao. a blur and a daze la, i cant completely remember what i said now. only that my brain was half dead..

issues and events the past day(s)
some :( some :)

youth prac, youth service later :)
dinner later for mom's day and dad's birthday.

im still worried about that one thing.
very so. gah. so conflicting la. i hate being caught in that kinda situation. :(

anyway joan made me a new blogskin, its NICE :) deep red is a great colour. ill load it up later on.

workload is horrid. i have no time.

2007-05-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

the week's ending :)
rushing to ikea tmw then to find kenneth before his class, then going to practice a bit with joan etc before SPIDERMAN :)

i cant wait.

but SO MUCH WORK LA ARGH :(

- you said we'll be alright

2007-05-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

heady feeling, so temperate
with stars seeming so bright,
and warm shadows silver-sandaled
dancing on the sands, oh the joy,
where everything seemed then oh so right.

chorus: but im asking you now
why am i crying, crying tonight?
tell me now, why am i crying tonight again?
where the pain consumes, and salt into refreshed wounds,
tell me now, why am i crying tonight again?

you told me i meant the world to you,
you made me feel like i was your everything,
but with each high, you slammed me back
down low again, painful, excruciating.

tell me why we're on this destructive circle,
it never seems to end,
im so tired now, but yet my heart only seems
to want to be stuck in this Lion's den.

you eat me up, spit me out
try mend me back again,
but im asking you now,
why are you breaking me like that?
i dont want to be crying tonight, again.

maybe i wont want to be locked up in this cage no more
maybe i want to spread my wings and fly
but maybe its coming to a point
that i dont want to be crying tonight, again..

; tonight again
april03'

im glad im way out of the secondary school phase. the emokid phase, way before emo got commercialised and overdone. haha.

ANYWAY school was mind blowng today. like one BIG rush. but i cant wait to FRIDAY. hurrahh :) so excited CAN!

music rox sox
and so does LWY!
heh, loads of love la :)

2007-05-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

SPIDERMAN 3 on FRIDAY night!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! :)

omg so fun, the bunch of us hanging out.

much MUCH love!

highlight of the WEEK.
plus NEXT friday. omg highlight of the MONTH.

im completely HIGH now i tell you.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

2007-05-07T13:25:00.000+08:00

completed the austen essay last night, so yeah im pretty happy.

the book we're doing for cell in june, Experiencing God, is really good. come with an open heart and expect God to work in you for sure =D haha despite that the colour is darn ugly and all :P i mean, how cute can old man Moses be? lmao. anw i wrapped it up and everything and sorta designed the front. so yeah its great :)

cant wait for the weekends, band practice and such.
and i got SO MANY birthday presents to do :(
joce, joan, jw, jl . hahaha all the Js.

the rest completed already la :)

i WANNA WATCH SPIDERMAN3. hahaha even if all the rest dont want, still hot date with jl? :D haha

i realise im a bit different in church and in school.
in school, im undoubtedly more subdued, restrained. a bit like i cant be what i really am sometimes.
the cheer is decidedly less. i dont smile so much, laugh so much.

you ask me why i love God and church so much?
because its much more REAL. im not saying its 100% so, cos no one's perfect and that'd be heaven, but its really as close as it gets, so much more than anywhere else.

i love my livewire! youths to bits la :)
haha even a few of whom makes me tempted to pull out their hair sometimes ^^ lmao ;)

2007-05-06T14:58:00.000+08:00

practice was decent. but it came to a point where my ears were being DROWNED out. you can only take how much or how long of fast LOUD songs haha :P

and oh SHIT. i seem to KEEP forgetting to do Forever. gahhhh.

church is loads of :)s and loves.

but ah, school is majorly screwy la. i HAVENT completed austen essay, sampling tutorials, NOR hist outline.

and i cant get started on them till like... 9 pm?

some people dont think im pure chinese. SO WEIRD!

anyway start of the week soon again,
but cant wait for saturday ALREADY.

i cant wait for 19th too :) yay. party party :)
we'll plan it properly after all the mids la =D

2007-05-06T01:16:00.000+08:00

the past is gone, so move along move along
like you know you should ;

2007-05-05T20:44:00.000+08:00

r e j u v e n a t e d ;

anyhow went to church a little grumpy cuz of some spat over timings AGAIN. but church never fails to cheer me up la :)

working together with shortie, garang, smallboy, gaybestfriend, blurkid, muthusammy is fun :) we solved the technical problem downstairs already. more or less anyway, which makes me very happy =D

and i WNNA see today's band photoshoot!
i think i look terribly gay today (not in a good way) wahaha.

and i kinda made my mind up bout something yah :) i dont know how on EARTH im gnna do it, but ill get there. secret shhh!

have YET to do austen essay. so screwd.
and i got to rmb to send my phone for repair argh before the 12 months guarantee is up!

cant wait for tmw to come :)

YAY I LOVE LIVEWIRE!
and of course i love God too :)

oh and Happy 18th Birthday Jocelyn Chen Siyi! (6 May)
- many well wishes for the day and loads of love!

2007-05-04T20:02:00.000+08:00

weekends are here :)

lunched with joan. both of us are wiped out today. tired yes. anyway sorta completed the skyscraper modern unseen analysis finally, tho its not particularly well done. but heck. ive still austen's and loads of econs :(

oh and i think just as plate washing together is romantic, the key necklace thing i saw at perlini's today is damn romantic as well =D haha im sorry im sucha sap lately.. anyway joan has seen the pendant. and its DAMN NICE. and damn romantic can! like its saying you've got my heart for keeps. awwww! lmao. im getting damn spastic lately. i think tiredness has been eating into me.

printed some youth photos today :)

somehow i feel like im running so close to empty.
i need rejuvenation. before things eat me up.

lift me up, when im deep
down under
say you'll be there, the
outstretched hand that
pulls me through
and holds the light,
that illuminates.
tough times or joy,
matter not,
- its called together.

; together

we dream a dream.

2007-05-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

tagbacks:
jl- GARANG LA :)
xp- haha i didnt know you read! and what guniang man! you also then? lmao
lee quan yew- poor guy, you dont know how to spell your name? :( LOL

got some badminton trophy for the league thing. quite hilarious la. but the trophy is JUST SO PRETTY tho i prefered the silver one better. yah i got the gold one for the girls section, but silver is a classier colour.

weekends are NEARLY HERE :) such love.
but you know what, i still havent completed skyscraper analysis. gah. like, horrible.

i believe in frankness but in tact as well. i feel that a point has come where things are seen more clearly. i keep my head on.

and dish washing is a lovely symbolic concept.
- yes, im still hung up about it LOL.

a couple of cute msn conversations today :)
loads of laughs and spasticness.

the weekend is nearing..
behold.

2007-05-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

haha we seem to have started a new trend. the plates-washing trend all thanks to my earlier posted romantic theory.

i started with "I'll wash the plates with you"
then jl's nick is "You'll wash the plates for me" because of our joke and our agreement to put it up till sunday.. but now, OTHERS have jumped on the bandwagon:

jw's "Aiyah i help you all wash plate la"
then xp's "What about the cups?"
then nat's "I'll break all yr plates for you all"
then xw's "I'll help you guys bury all the broken plates :)"
then jw's "So sad, no more plates :("
joan's "What plates?! i want the bowls"
and now tim's "I want to do the cups with xp"
jw's updated "Bowls are mine, dont touch them!"
and samuel's "Have you heard of a dishwasher?"

there's still others like "dishwaters are too expensive" and "get disposable plastic plates then" but im too lazy to update ALL already. so hard to track when keep changing man. haha but its like a running joke la :)

LOL
haha i wonder if the rest like sarah are gnna jump on the band wagon too. haha so cute. and omg i started a new SPASTIC trend.

in fact, tim's asking jl whats up with the nicks. hoho.

OKAY that means they ALL know about my "romantic theory". ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! malu-fied and paiseh. omgomgomg i didnt expect so many to see it, or read this blog man. hahaha. so paiseh okay. i think jl is having FUN tho, haha :)

hahaha. oh and i met dennis the zhu earlier :)

spastic people make me smile =D

2007-05-02T16:28:00.000+08:00

maths wasnt hard as i thought it would be. cept probably the probabilities question, which i know nuts about. either ways, i had wayy too much time to complete my other questions. but yah in my delight, i forgot to do continuity correction for normal approximation LOL

still cant seem to find the right type of fabric coloured glue. all of them seem too FAT to draw anything on nicely :( joan brought my materials from ikea for me =D l

half the weeks gone, half the weeks to go.

a dash!
- orange, green, skyblue
luminous on the overhead
upon every new daybreak,

the narrow path, or wide
no matter, what seeming to be
may what not, but choose and
be right,

for the end is near, the
future wont be drear,
lest it be not mere hope,
but tis when You simply believe.

- open gates ;

2007-05-01T20:27:00.000+08:00

labour day is labouring indeed.

was relistening to a diff version of Take It All for the electric parts that i hope xw can do using the effects on the keyboard.

anyway i so think that washing the plates together with my bf is damn romantic la. HAHA. jl AND brian think im crazy. i dont mind, seriously, despite being used to doing it only rarely.

haha but i think it is just so. damn. sweet la.
firstly, its proves that hes not a male chauvinist who cant step into the kitchen to help out. also, its sort of like bonding time, intimacy. and its sharing responsibilities. you know you can depend on him for help. and the only time its gnna happen is when you live together so yah, its definitely romantic. HAHA. its like a symbol of a stable relationship. and besides, its nice to know that time can be spent together, even on the most minor infantile things like washing the plates :)

jl's nick is You'll wash the plates for me
mine's I'll wash the plates with you.

lmao. cheesy crap :)

oh yay. i talked to four of my youth kids todayyy on msn.
joan xp jl jeremy. my brother doesnt count! haha.

i miss them already omg

- when you're around ;

2007-04-30T18:46:00.000+08:00

one day of school
and YAY

holiday :)

okay, so its a ONE day holiday. but when the last bell rang, a few of us were like omgomg theres no school tmw! hahaha like, realisation sinks in.

anyway its not gnna be a really fun holiday, but still, beats going to school anytime. i came to school HAPPY from the weekend today, but seeing the so many sian/tired/dreary/ugly faces in the morning kinda sploit my mood too.

i kept staring at my phone wallpaper today :)
it makes me happy. the only cheerful looking thing around in school today anw :)

school is dreary.
dreary in spirit.

i dont like hanging out in school anymore.

im counting the minutes to the coming weekend already.
and the last one just ended less than 24 hours ago. lol. i just cant wait for the week to be OVER.
-

cause you were right across the platform, boy
a little wave, a small hi
subtle so subtle signs no one'd see
others would think mere acquantainces
and no one'd know what we have,
its our secret to keep

when the days ends,
and all else goodbyes said
a lane down separately meet

chorus:
well, its the feeling of secret love,
the exuberance of a common mutuality
cause' its just you and me,
- just you and me
just you and me;
its our secret to keep.

; secret love

- cos' we know its too good to give it up.

brilliance of the rainbow shines more so friday.

2007-04-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

todays practice wasnt that great.
technical glitches aplenty.

but we'll get there :)

ive lost focus on the studies.
pretty much been thinking day and night, on Cell, on Youth Anniversary coming up, on the dozens of Song arrangements, on church friends.

consumed, i guess.

but still, very happy. nothing could make it smile as much.

i love!

-we're rocking to the end of daybreak

and LOOK BELOW POST OMG OMG. the be electrified! band :)
its pure love.

2007-04-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

livewire! youth anniversary band;
-we're rocking the house down

- aside from gaying around and acting dao that is :)

2007-04-28T10:29:00.000+08:00

weekends are HERE

fridays are always great. its the prelude of the weekend's fun&love. saturday will be all time high. which is TODAY :)

yesterday- met joan, had lunch, did a bit of work, went to xpxw's house, bridged, practiced xw's worship songs, ate dinner, went off to cell visitation with xp.

fun day alright! nevermind that i lost bridge a couple of times so unlike usual :S

youth later and i cant wait. like OH NO im only going at the later time slot cos i need to finish some work all thanks to the five tests in four days next week la :( im not even having my mid years like the sec school kids. argh :(

and i proved my ability to cry easily LOL.
but only in THAT aspect k thx! :)

i love!

and these are what dreams -
are made of ;

2007-04-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

school was alright.

and CUT HAIR TODAY. its SHORTER and more LAYERED. i know, like duh, shorter :P met joan for a bit before she went for music clef and showed me some of the electric guitar parts.

you know, it is times like these when we're making headways in God's work that Satan will want to disrupt us at all costs. especially those at the front line, the cell leaders, the musicians, to stop them from bringing others closer to God. but i wont let anyone or anything or any words pull me down or stop me from continuing my work. i know something great is gnna happen on 09june07. at this point in time, its all about working together as a team. its putting our personal opinions, preferences, what-ever aside.

its all about - One Team, One Vision, One Goal.

and you know what; we're gonna get there.
nothing should stop us from doing what we should do.

after all, we've been blessed with many talented players yeah :)

'cos you Lord heard the prayers and cries of the people,
- and You responded.
You're the only thing that is for sure today.

prayer works :)
a burden of my shoulders

2007-04-24T19:45:00.000+08:00

cranky day again.

do you know how ANNOYING it is for people not from your lecture hall crashing your lecture? and like why cant you jc2s COUNT seats for goodness sakes'! quit sitting in my class row and depriving us of seats! so. damn. annoying! gah.

maths is making me CRANKY.
the method is correct, but the answer WRONG. its %@^&@& frustrating.

the livewire! youth teeshirt is nice yes? but the quotation price is ex. gah. 25 bucks each cos of the individualised backs. i dunno if everyone will agree to it, but its SO NICE.

- you stretched out your hand
and that was my very undoing.

2007-04-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

nicole old woman also known as the cow and best friend called from australia! :)
chatted for a good half hour.

like i said, small things like these make me happyhappyhappy.

:)

good trustable friends make my world.
id go anywhere for them.

love!

haha but no where for you la LOL ^^

you know, i still cant get over the fact my teacher replied my sms on what tutorial there was tmw with "just come for tutorial tomorrow. ha ha ha!" the 'ha ha ha!' was the eye brow raising bit.

but oh well, lit teachers are always doing unexpected things.

2007-04-23T19:20:00.000+08:00

today was a cranky ole day.

everyone in class was pretty down or grumpy or sick. un-nice.
colosseum's gladiator's ball (just another name for captain's ball) is sucha drag. no offence zukai! hahaha. colosseum itself is an ENTIRE drag when you have too many other things to do. games day of a kind is obviously right at the bottom of my list when my current grades range from U to E yea and have other commitments too.

and im very :(((( bout the Youth Anniversary worship songs la. like i cant seem to settle the slow songs. gahhh! its very frustrating. first time in such a state of stalemate. picking the appropriate songs is usually relatively simple la. but ive been staring at the dozens of music scores every night to not much avail... sigh.

attempted math tutorial a bit ago and felt really retarded. i cant seem to do the back questions which is weird, since when i attempted to do them initially, it was quite a breeze. think ive forgotten most of the things ive learnt since i havent touched tutorials in about a week.

so freaking busy this few weeks and will be that way till after mid years i guess. since theres Youth Anniv in early june then June Camp in hols week 4 then its mid years! really packed for time.

some of my friends are pissing me off. they cant seem to understand that im BUSY.
annoying.

i can only hope the week gets better.

but a few things DID made me smile today,
even if they were relatively small events.

love!

"from now it'll be our share of up and downs
-its the exuberance of a common mutuality."

2007-04-22T15:08:00.000+08:00

today's youth practice is MUCH better :)
im pretty happy with it.

its not up THERE yet, but we'll get there.
Freedom We Know's decent and so's Show Me Your Face. somehow i didnt really like the sound of Youre the One. ill have to go think about that again, and also piece up What the World and Take It All.

youth cell training was happy. like i got to eat during it. HAHA :) legalised eating yay. got the name list as well. but yeah. not supposed to say anything bout it haha.

and i satisfied my fresh- popiah cravings as well yummm :)
cant wait for weekday laksa high haha

cant wait for next practice. and cant wait for cell visitation on friday, cant wait for youth service, just cant wait for weekends :))

lots of love!

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to XW yesterday
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to DENNIS today
have great ones :)

2007-04-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

practice for june anniv wasnt too good.
had a slight headache after that. i could just feel it- the differing objectives. the differing opinions. too many differing.

we have to be focused on leading OTHERS to worship, not just playing for what i call the shiok-factor. we'll get there tho. we have a musically-brilliant team, each ace at what we do best. :)

but the time factor is an issue. we're all involved in so many other things, main worship, youth worship, youth cell leaders, kids worship, youth service, main etc. so hard to find a time to practice. loads half hours squeezed in between other commitments arent gonna be too good, but it'll be that way till after the mid years. it'll be longer hours then. but that isnt a good thing for me. the mids are after june hols.

although today wasnt a smooth sailing day, it was still alright. church makes me smile. :)
and some people and some things made me happy.

its all a matter of priorities.
we'll ace it.

we will.

2007-04-20T19:26:00.000+08:00

sailed thru school, had my laksa high.

HAHA AND MY HISTORY ESSAY GOT A SEVENTEEN. like OMGGGGGGGG. quite a change
:)))))))

ikea-ed with serena, adora, hannah, sabrina. shopped with sabrina and joan. i bought most of my presents already and joan did hers as well. anyway we got the youth tshirt quotations as well as quotations for doorgifts. this doorgift idea in particular, is BRILLIANT. i like!

heard some parts of the electric guitar intros, sounds pretty alright so far.
jiayou! :)

so yeah i hung out the whole afternoon. -grins.

slack or what? haha, to think i saw some poor ole j ones mugging like mad in the school library the moment school ended. like today's a FRIDAY you know!

party happy, laksa high.
and sputtering random nonsense at adora about tutsis' and hutu's roxxxsox!

` feel the weekend LOVE!

2007-04-19T20:15:00.000+08:00

and for all the things you have done-
:) thank you.

thursday are always a waste of time cept for hist and math. the rest of the periods are just ___. no comments. had a strange urge to do Five Items again just for the kick of it. ran the last two rounds with adora, oh well, theres always next time yea :) and badminton. ive nearly done all the girls, just left one i believe. i want the medal! =DD haha. just for the kick of it yeah.

and i got my laksa high as well :)

chanmalichan, ditanjongkatong & diyanah-the-minah. HAHA.

the weekends are COMING!!
michelle <3s church >
like totally or what :)

reminder to JOAN: PRACTICE YOUR E GUITAR SOLOS & INTROS WOMAN!

hot date tmw haha ;)

2007-04-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

haha quite a joke :)
i seem to be inviting only guys to the Youth Anniv BE ELECTRIFIED! thing, while samuel seems to be more likely to inviting all the chicks. rofllll.

how contrary isnt it?

i like this phrase; "its always the indirect path that resounds the loudest"
-hint hints to JOAN.

PRACTICE YOUR ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLOS WOMAN!

been feelin rather lethargic in school this week. feels horrid. but YAY tmw's THURSDAY. tmw's LAKSA DAY! hahaha so spastic :)))

2007-04-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

i forgot to mention that this years council nominees/wannabes are quite.. entertaining. and not in a good way. like whats up with the TONNES of act-cutesy poses? some are quite ok la, but some are just.. no comments. AND. one particular nominee is massive SPAMMAGE. i wont vote for her just based on that.

but yeah la i CANT vote. LOL.

i had my laksa during recess today, we went to west mall. (yeah out of school!) so im pretty happy and all.

and im EXHILARATED that some friends agreed to come for the Youth Anniversary.
-grins.

2007-04-17T18:55:00.000+08:00

youth anniversary youth worship planning is so far going quite well. ive settled all the fast songs; decided really. but quite conflicted about slow songs la. like so many to pick from. but ive more or less narrowed down the search. and apparently now have to do additional alter call songs, and some happy songs to end off the whole event on a high note. church makes me excited. something to achieve, something to enjoy :))

anyway school's been tiring. like too many things to do and to attend. in school and OUTSIDE school as well you know. i still do have some sort of a social life :) some sort la.

i think tiredness makes me eat MORE. which is BAD BAD BAD.

have massive cravings for laksa, handmade chinese noodles from Silk Road, and very rich brownies. yumm :)

spoke to joce last night for a short while, and joy this morning. like YAY :) i miss them both very much yeah :)

loves!

and hot date soon! ;)

2007-04-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

like IM SO HAPPY THIS WEEKEND
its all :) :) :) and loads of LOVE!

youth worship (i led), was not bad. not perfection, but technically pretty close, just that i lost some sense of balance after jumping around the front for too much haha :) so like, my dynamics was not as controlled as practice, which was great and very productive. today was pretty ace too. like the whole dry run session for Youth Anniversary, was FUN, PRODUCTIVE and makes you VERY HAPPY. working together as a team rocks. seriously. when everyone is gearing for the same goal, when everyone wants it as bad as you do, when everyone wants the BEST for it, working hard is very fun and very fulfilling. and its effective. i see what ps rachel says about working together as a team, functioning in as a cell as one. okay so that means i must talk to xp soon.. lol.

anyway we were doing a 'fake' version of how we could get on the front after the MCs talk without the instruments. so we kinda ran up and started making a lot of weird noises that represented whatever instrument we were supposed to be playin haha :) i wont divulge too many secrets on whats the line up of events that day, but hey! ive like tip-top confidence in sarah and the rest of the people involved: the worship team, the MCs, game masters and all :)

and i was also deliriously happy when i received some of the replies to the email i generated out just in the afternoon concerning the Worship Team and the songs to be picked. like HAPPYYY.

anyway i had Summer Pavillion at Ritz tonight. grandma's birthday and met my cousins/uncles/aunts/the whole works. feel pretty overstuffed, but the food was decent enough i guess. ironically, bird's nest with crab tastes like shark's fin. but I LIKE! i dunno what shark activists may say, but shark's fin is DARNNNN yummy ok! :)

and HOT date late this week yeah! -grins.
you know who. HAHA :)
we're ikea-ing. rofl

lets not talk about the studying part yeah :)

"There’s no end to the love that He gives

And now broken dreams have life again

In the hope of the risen King

So let us praise Him

A mystery unthinkable

That He took the fall just to save my soul

Now to love is the life I know

On and on and on we’ll be singin’

Soul set free in the One I love

Oh come on come on

And let the whole earth sing

In the freedom we know

So come on come on and praise Him "

; in the freedom we know

2007-04-13T19:40:00.000+08:00

WELL. i was pretty annoyed.

history extra make up tutorial was supposed to be this afternoon.
yes- was supposed. basically i waited two hours odd only to have it canceled, cos SOME ENTIRE class had the cheek to ALL not turn up. like wthhhh! EARLY SAY cannot make it la! waste my time :( i know history is :/ but its annoying okay, and it completely inconveniences the rest of the H1 history students. im (*@&#^#@(! busy already k thx, this doesnt help.

anyway i was already pretty annoyed with a B in PW. like doggggggggggggg.
effort doesnt equal into results. some people in my class deserved better. no comments for the rest.

i havent been shopping in some time i realised. well at least shopping on a DECENT budget for clothes. GG>5 clothes are pretty classy. i saw this delish doll floating dress, DAMN NICE OK. but ouch la the price. id love a new formal top, solid black jeans, a few plain tops and a few skirts if possible. throw in a new shoulder bag and perfect!

yah i know i should be studying blahblahblah. but today was quite a gloomy day la.
well, weekends are HERE =D

ritz for sunday's dinner :) yumm!

"for Your name is the Brightest Star, in the night sky

for Your name, is beyond all universe's claims

for its our hands in Yours, You hold our lives

because You said if we simply believe,

for as long we believe,

You'll make a difference in our lives."

; brightest star

2007-04-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

i swear i love i love i love mindless drama serials! :)

school on thurs are always mindless, cept for math lecture. the rest.. are a waste of time.

thing im quite screwed for tmw's econs test on policies. like i just reached home, wiped out.
had some worship leading thing at cornerstone. like phew that ps. rachel came with me. cos THAT AWFUL XW ditched me for his books. yah, like thanks! hahahaha.

tmw was a short day. was.
its going to be one VERY long one :(((

i wnna go ikea! but time constraint.

'cause you were right across the platform, boy
a little wave, a small hi
subtle so subtle signs no one'd see

others would think mere acquantainces
and no one'd know what we have,
its our secret to keep

when the days ends,
and all else goodbyes said
a lane down separately meet

chorus:
well, its the feeling of secret love,
the exuberance of a common mutuality
cause' its just you and me,
- just you and me
just you and me;
its our secret to keep.'

; secret love

2007-04-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

im seeing a TINY ray of light at the end of the History tunnel. but only if i persevere thru it la. and tiny, is better than nothing right?

school is horrendous.
too many assignments dued, which is terrible.

i cant seem to finish la. and i dont know how on earth im going to cope.

for those of you who dont know, ive just started math tuition (YAY!); today's tuition completely wiped me out. at the end of 2 hours, i was seeing stars. gah. how much covered: scalar & vectors, vector algebra, line of equation. quite a lot right? thats like.. three weeks of lectures by least. understood is understood, but im not sure how much i rmb.. it just ran past in a big whirl and i kinda got this headache the entire day, so productive capacity isnt exactly at optimal level. anw for math tuition, im not gnna touch any j2 stuff la.

i cant wait for tmw's worship workshop and dinner with ps rachel YAY :)

freaking annoying.
people DEMANDING the computer is ANNOYING.

they can GO JUMP
I DONT LIKE ANY ONE INTERRUPTING MY BLOGGING.
like hello, i was here first and if you want to use it, you can wait for like 10 minutes. dont be unreasonable. i dont care if you have to wake up at 5 am tmw, its only 9 pm now for goodness sakes. ten minutes will not kill.

always demanding, when it comes to the comp. annoying.

2007-04-10T17:04:00.001+08:00

cause you were right across the platform, boy
a little wave, a small hi
subtle so subtle signs no one'd see

others would think mere acquantainces
and no one'd know what we have,
its our secret to keep

when the days ends,
and all else goodbyes said
a lane down separately meet

chorus:
well, its the feeling of secret love,
the exuberance of a common mutuality
cause' its just you and me,
- just you and me
just you and me;
its our secret to keep.

; secret love

2007-04-09T22:16:00.000+08:00

mhm. was quite moody after i got my lit paper back. like i got 5 marks for the poetry section. i dont understand shakespearean sonnets at all :S

grades for march block tests.
some of you will be happy to know i screwed up majorly for a change
U S S E

-no comments.

i enjoy going for worship leading training
so so fun!

last saturday was fun and so will this thursday! =D

oh and 2.4km run was today. and the weather was TERRIBLE. so damn hot, i think my brains got fried. anyway yup, i dont need to rerun of course... a D and above dont need to re run so im quite happy :) i cant wait for the whole thing to be over.

i came back as fast as i could after lessons to catch my teevee show! i love i love! :)

"Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking

When you fall everyone sins

Another day and you've had your fill of sinking

With the life held in your

Hands are shaking cold

These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong

Move along, move along like I know you do

And even when your hope is gone

Move along, move along just to make it through

Move along

Move along"

; move along by the all american rejects

2007-04-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

im no quitter;
not when its something i truely believe in.

there's a price that has to be paid-
just as He paid the price for all to be washed away,

blameless before the Light.

-the strength to carry on.

you lift me up;
thank you for being there.
hearts.

2007-04-08T15:08:00.000+08:00

almost after every youth cell training, theres bound to have a headache and a bagful of worries...
i really want it to work out and ive been trying, i really have.

sometimes just over some small thing, ill be as happy as a fool, yet often right after, an unintentional(?) arrow, sets me back 10 steps.

lately seem quite prone to wanting-to-cry-but-trying-to-control bouts. nasty feeling.

every thing in church is great, i love all my youth darlings; except for this cell thing. it opens your eyes to the expectations, and the many things that needs to be done and get done. and it makes me terribly aware of the (too?) many obstacles that needs to be overcomed. its not the administrative or the paperwork or whatever that is hard to do. that isnt of any problem at all.

its always people problems that are the hardest to deal with.

always the people.

- yah, and this, on top of the uncopeable school work and other issues i wont name.

2007-04-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

happy happy!

=DDDDDDDDDD

actually i had a sort of detached emo-fied sort of post to update in the afternoon cos of some super :/ event but no mind, im HAPPY now.

veryvery so.

went to uncle peter's house for dinner and ate and bridged with xw xp nat ken ps.rachel samuel! yayyy like THANK YOU for making me happy. hahaha maybe some of those jolly shandy drinks helped a little LMAO. :)

anw youthalive! leaders seminar this morning was pretty good. at least the worship leading course i did was good :)

so slack la.

but so happy :)

heart heart heart!

2007-04-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

; anybody by jesse mccartney

i heart church.

tmw, or rather THIS morning is YouthAlive music workshop! =D

"ill learn to read you better,

but tell me you want me there,

tell me you wont leave me behind."

2007-04-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

argh.

GUILT GUILT.

i SLACKED the entire day away ok.

i even followed sam and jonathan to jamming studio after dinner, and the whole while, i was thinking "oh no 3 FULL econs essay, 2 econs case studies, 2 History essays, whole Stats tutorial, othello tutorial... etc HOW TO FINISH IN TIME?!!!". anw the jamming studio's owner is really steady at electric guitar la, felt so out of my element. been ages since ive jammed as a keyboardist. im... rusty.

i just feel like i wasted my entire day la :(

sigh sigh sigh.

"the horror! the horror!"

sorry joan for pangsehing you tmw morning :/ parents, and also i have a hell load of work la :(( SORRY K WOMAN.

gah. i hate i hate i hate this.
HOLIDAY LEH. WHY CANNOT TAKE BREAK.

major guilt trip la.
probly cos i screwed up block tests so so so so bad.

and and, i came home past 10 to find out that my big gate CANNOT CLOSE PROPERLY like )!@&#^#^#*!&#@^ can? AND the small side gate, its lock doesnt lock. God. in the end i tied the gate shut with shoe lace. sounds stupid i know, but its just to keep it close. and somehow my maid seems to have died in her room or something, i kept banging at her door and yelling and banging, but no response at all. gah. think shes REALLY deaf man. mind you, i was making a racket cos i was annoyed that i was locked out of the house, she was sleeping like a log and i had to call my grandfather up to open the main door. shheeshh.

like amazing la. the one night both parents are out of town and like this. gate also cannot lock, maid doesnt seem to exist, and guess what i found the back gate to the yard not locked as well and samuel cant find the key.

SO TROUBLESOME MAN.

the only plus point today was PE probably, ironically.
2.4 was not much of a kick. kinda stupid but i just realised (yes after so many years) that chionging, then breaking your momentum to walk, then chionging, then walking, takes up SO MUCH MORE energy then doing 2.4km almost continuously. probably thats why this year, it FEELS easier. -shrugs.

I WANT TO DIE LA. like im STRESSING OVER A BLOODY GATE OMG. okay THREE gates. but oh well.

i think i should sleep. im getting way too cranky for my own liking :((

i wnna watch some mindless drama to get my head off things :((

2007-04-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

mhm. some how been so very slack these few days. been hooked on drama serials, those in the afternoon. quite entertaining esp the 330-430 one on Chn8! hahaha

anw horrible screwing up my block tests so bad. and yes.. i failed history, but no surprise there is it? friking displaced. all round.

i keep saying i must buck up.
so i WILL do something about it i guess.. for starters, reading hist notes would be good.

a variety of people asked me to go out today/tonight.
somehow, the more options or choices i have to make, the more i want to retreat to my cosy cove and sleep or something. or teevee. teevee is mindless =D

i think im missing out a lot of partying but lately i feel like a semi hermit, i wanna go home and curl up and sleep. and im FREAKIN SORE over GP la. like (!&#@^#^#*@ i got 19/50 for essay which is @(@&#&$#^@&!&! amazing. gosh. and some blind coot marker scrawled all over my paper WRITE BIGGER, I CANNOT READ YOUR HANDWRITING. and she initially gave me EIGHT marks less than what i was supposed to give. how ridiculous.

loads of work this weekend. SO grumpy about it :(

wannawannasleep!

are we happy plastic people

- stained glass masquerade; casting crowns

cos you said we'd be walking on air;

2007-04-04T20:41:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

im the WORLD's most HORRIBLE friend okay.

i didnt know it was yanhong's birthday a week earlier, i didnt know it was kenneth's birthday YESTERDAY. OMG. SO HORRIBLE OK.

SORRY LA KENNETHKOH
SORRY LA CHEEYANHONG

aiyoh but that kenneth dno why told yh not to remind me :(( and weirdly friendster no reminders either :/

im disgustingly HORRIBLE at dates. like i dont think i can rmb my parents exact birthdate la. thats how bad i am. gah.. okay, im keying it into my phone organiser. and ill make it up to them... somehow! gah. its disgusting to miss out your good friends birthday ok! dunno why like no one reminded me but its still gross la! :(

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TWO OF YOU OKAY.
loads and loads of love!

sigh sigh sigh.

ps. tmw will be an interesting day :)

oh nicole dont kill me, but i ALMOST forgot yours too? hahaha. but i didnt in the end la. and i finally bought the stamps and collected what i wanted to post to you today! :)

anybody

"Has anybody ever felt this way

Has anybody been ripped apart

Anybody give everything to the one they love

Am I the only one left behind

Am I the only one who hates goodbyes

God I know this can't go on forever"

-jesse mccartney

current favourite song. haha, some how it makes me HAPPY despite the not too happy lyrics. looool.

and DONT DEMOTE ME OK KENNETH KOH :(

2007-04-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

so...

i passed econs. -shrugs. i guess i COULD have failed, but it was a borderline scrap la. im glad i didnt utterly fail but the paper seemed easier than before (haha does that mean i got brighter at econs? or was the paper just easy?) anyway i seem to have made many very stupid mistakes. nvm shall not dwell on it.

i just want to see how lit goes tho. GP was annoying. i swear that lady teacher is BLIND. she cant read my handwriting apparently. and didnt give me A LOT of marks until mr chiang asked her to reread. anyway its still missing a good 5 marks or so! :/ i hope compo's better but chiang said no, which is WEIRD. i thought i did okay leh :(

and! stats is EW.
tmw will be the day where i get to glimpse 'Hope'. :))))) lets see how fast i can go!

oh and econs lecture today was inspiring! quite la. like the 'new' lecturer is WAY better than all the rest so far, not that the rest of the mj econs fac is lousy :) haha i look forward to econs lecture tmw just as i wince at the very thought of maths now, ironically.

I CANT WAIT FOR WEEKENDS =DDDDDD hahaha jl, got a problem with that? :)

love!

; american dream by casting crowns
so like the great gatsby.

2007-04-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

today was a relatively happy day.

no hitches during PE
cheerful during history econs maths

AND WON THREE CONSECUTIVE ROUNDS OF BRIDGE =DDD
hahaha totally rocking ok!

and its not by luck. once maybe, but surely not thrice! :)
we were playing after school ended. havent played in suchhhh a long time man

and YAY ps rachel is going with me on thurs, so even if that awful xw ditches me its ok :) hahaha but can understand la. probably stressed with school work. i wish i was more hardworking to start with, but w/e la :) its PAST.

and YAY joan and i are going saturday to youthalive's worship workshop thing. should be really fun! :)

and YAY probably will make a run to borders this week to pick up some books and oogle at pretty Paperchase things and maybe buy my pencil box :)

and YAY YAY YAY school week ends thursday and BRILLIANT WEEKEND HERE WE GO AGAIN! :)

xoxo

2007-04-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

today was a slightly better day :)

i love my youths =D
YAH including JUNLIN who stalks my blog everyday hahaha :)

darren shoved samuel's whoopee bag under xw's seat right before he sat down and it FARTED damn LOUDLY! lmao. just before service ended. hilarious i couldnt control bursting into laughter. thats april fool's day for you!

Phantom of the Opera's Say You'll Love Me.

(jl adores this song too!)

Raoul:

No more talk of darkness,

forget these wide-eyed fears;

I'm here, nothing can harm you,

my words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom,

let daylight dry your tears;

I'm here, with you, beside you,

to guard you and to guide you.

Christine:

Say you'll love me ev'ry waking moment;

turn my head with talk of summertime.

Say you need me with you now and always;

promise me that all you say is true,

that's all I ask of you.

R: Let me be your shelter,

let me be your light;

you're safe, no one will find you,

your fears are far behind you.

C: All I want is freedom,

a world with no more night;

and you, always beside me,

to hold me and to hide me.

R: Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;

let me lead you from your solitude.

Say you want me with you, here beside you,

anywhere you go, let me go too,

that's all I ask of you.

C: Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.

Together:

Say the word and I will follow you.

Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

C: Say you love me ...

R: You know I do.

Together:

Love me, that's all I ask of you ...

Love me, that's all I ask of you.

like how nice if my boyfriend can sing well man! HAHA. oops =P

school is still slackish for now. kinda. hell will begin after i get back all the block test results!

love!

2007-03-31T21:54:00.000+08:00

so today wasnt as good as i thought would be.

mp3 spat.
church was not bad, but i was quite consumed by thoughts. i think its all culmulating into one boiling point. church, school, family. im tired. upcoming church events worry me to hell. im think im more affected by flunking math than i thought i would be. its math after all. math. its evidence that im screwing up a lot of things i shant elaborate. but im trying to be happy, or at least seem happy.
and yay, dinner spat.

had dinner at 930pm

so close to getting gastric k thx.

very tired. and i dont feel like doing any work. so slack.
too slack. i want to do work. tired. will probably go to sleep.

somehow a tired/weary me looks horrible in my going out clothes. tried on a stack of them, none seems to look the way it usually should.

i know, gloomy post but

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY NICOLETANWANPIN! :) 1 april 89
loads loads and loads of love. i totally love bitching with you woman :)

2007-03-31T13:04:00.000+08:00

weekends are LOVE.

going to church makes me happy.
waking up at ten am makes me happy too.

doing nothing last night makes me very happy (abeit slightly guilty)
talking to bestfriend (gaywoman!) last night makes me very happy too.

seeing youth lovelies makes me very happy too.
happy happy happy.

love love love.

i dont want to go into weekdays again. not with block tests results coming out :(

2007-03-30T18:53:00.000+08:00

okay. i failed math. call it SUBPASS or whatever you like but its a good 25 marks or so short of usual.

i dont want to talk about it, i dont want to discuss it, i dont want to hear about it, i dont want to know any so called advice,
from anyone who wants to chastise, disapprove or whatnot.

stay. away.

anyway today's gp discussed a slightly interesting topic - elitism.

i just felt that its something singaporeans have to accept in the society to some extent. the elites are neccessary in this country, to drive to sustain to stimulate the economy. going against the idea of having ranks, positions and elites is pure foolishness, being that we have zero resources except for manpower i.e. brains, which we dont have that much in quantity either with the much discussed declining birth rates.

thats why i feel that the increment in pay benchmarked by 2/3s of private sector for ministers etc is justified. you need to keep these talents in the government service. if you pay peanuts for your government workers, you will get peanut-worth civil servants. you dont want to be run by a bunch of inefficient fools do you?

and i really wanna go SMU! was there this afternoon for economics lecture. city campus is so nice! :)

so tired. thoughts are kinda incoherent and in a mess. legs are sore and aching from yesterday.
dinner time, so be back later :)

2007-03-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I LOVE NICOLETANWANPIN =DD

gosh that woman is so sweet la!

"I promise you my heart

I promise you my life

I promise we'll never be apart

I promise not to hurt you

I promise to never make you cry

I promise to always trust you

I promise not to lie

I promise you forever

I promise to do things right

I promise to always be there

I promise until the end

I promise to be your best friend

I promise this forever

your the PEANUT to my BUTTER

your the STAR to my BURST

your the POP to my TART

your the MILKY to my WAY

your the FRUIT to my LOOP

your the LUCKY to my CHARMS

your the ICE to my CREAM

but mostly....your the BEST to my FRIEND"

hahaha i wanna cry already lmao!
lots of love! :)

but NICOLE TAN YOUR A REAL LIAR LA.
like hello promise never to be apart? and WHERE are you NOW?? kangarooland. hahaha!

come back soon yes! =D

2007-03-29T20:42:00.000+08:00

today was a jolly good day :)
nothing spectacular happened per say, but it was rather smooth sailing, generally amiable and all things pleasant.

2.4km was without the huffs and puffs and leg cramps and all that crap. in fact, it passed by in quite a breeze!

badminton was generally happy too. I WANT THE MEDAL! (for the league thing)
but some how i dont think they'll let me get one leh :/

The Father has warned of the evils of blogs. somewhat a repeat of today's Compass talk hah.
well, honestly do you think i do not track all visitors who pop by? annoymous, random or not?

i do la okay. i KNOW whos reading...

plus theres a few other secret nameless, separate account, locked ones that i rant at. the slightly more controversial or sensitive issues. im not exactly stupid. direct and frankness is good, but not in some cases.

anyhow i wish people would let me study NORMALLY for a change. dont go all shocked, just because i want to do my homework now. dont question why im reading my notes, because i want to study for my tests. its normal right? its like people WANT me to study less (i.e. slack). kind of crazy really. some times some people are really kaypoh for nothing.

econs is a real cow.
so's maths stats.

casting crowns is nice btw :) been listening to quite some alternative lately! and YAY im going for worship leading sems! so exciting la hahaha

"i called,

you answered"

2007-03-28T22:01:00.000+08:00

maths stats is a pain in the ass. anything with the summation sign repulses me on the spot. and i hate sitting in the centre back rows, but tho i gripe a lot at least its better than lt5- which is so sleep-prone and distracted-by-pierre's-incessant-chattering-prone

went to parkway MPH to look for othello notes. gahh singapore literature resources really suck. no othello guidebooks left, so limited la the copies! and the parkway mph is the only one which stocks lit guides.

been sleeping EVERY afternoon. this has GOT to stop.
i think i havent fully recovered yet from last wks spate of illnesses. am still on the pills. smirks. MEDICINE la okay!

AND IM GETTING MATHS TUITION AHAHAHAHAA. finally!
i cant cope on my own with too many activities and committments going on la.

you know, on a separate note, no one in church would really understand how hellish, how gruesome, JC life can be. in particular, in meridian or all those crazy chao-mug chao-competitive top 5 JCs. no one would get why sometimes i have to miss one day out of two entire days from church just because i have to rush the very basic homework. im not even completing most of my tutorials la hello not to mention revision :( it feels lousy to know you screwd up your block tests so bad, never this bad before.

haha i think xw is getting a clue on how its gnna be like tho. but nothing like the full onslaught.

ohhh and british accents are really yummy. GENUINE ones k thanks. simon cowell actually sounds... nice when he isnt all bitchy! hahaha. yeah am watching american idol. theres this chick haley who has REALLY nice legs lolllll

i miss nicoletanwanpin btw :) lots of love!

2007-03-27T22:32:00.000+08:00

today was misery.

seriously. the moment i stepped into maths lecture i had a pounding migraine, which lasted the ENTIRE day. gah. never had it so bad before.

it feels like the start of a whole new protracted (reminded of hist's arab-israeli conflict :/) warfare all over again. tiredness, work, sleep. body's all sore all over strangely.

joan's blog sounds :( so does sabrina's..
kenneth (the mj one) is emo about school, grades and block tests

i refuse/d to let myself think too much about my papers.
but i were to go into the subject, in short, i f***ed it up. and very badly too. i never encountered not being sure of ANY definite passes. hah. okay no more about this.

been sleeping every afternoon for certes.
wake up feeling more tired/weary than ever.

monday was happy, tuesday threw me back in the hell-loop.
i only hope it gets better for this week, i really do.

ironically, the persons i dont look at, are in my direction. and more than one..
how complicated. the theory does then hold somewhat true, that the unattainable are often more attractive; well at least in my case.

and someone was talking to me earlier, do the goodlooking people tend to band with the goodlooking people? i think so. its a certain common consciousness or similarities to their own (self?) imaging that brings them together. its like somewhat of a common interest. its not a bad thing per say..

"and finally, its the keep-on-moving-forward motion,
that keeps us all alive.
and so, there's really no turning back from here."

i miss the old times.

the triviality of it all

2007-03-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

today was a quite a good one. actually one of the more brilliant ones

i was happy happy happy. nevermind that school term has officially started after the block tests. haha i was amused during history, entertained during lit, interested during maths, awake during econs :) :) :)

thank you God!

haha and i miss church and all the various gay lovelies already :)
am slotted to lead worship for the youth anniversary thing in june and in june camp as well. yay! but so :( that this year camp cant bring along the drum set, so yeah i cant do all the really cool songs! i hope i get my voice back tho, falling sick sucks. really really bad for the throat :(
AND SONGXIAOWEN BETTER GO TO THE CORNERSTONE THING WITH ME NEXT THURS, i dont wanna go alone :(

"i wont let the yesterdays eat up my today and my tomorrows"

cos you said you'd hold up the rain
shield me from the storm
run the path with me
- as long as i told you that i wanted you to.

2007-03-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

heyyyy as you can see,
ive SHIFTED HERE. so please relink!

i kinda lost the old site also, somehow they wont let me make back clarify- to post my new link! i think its the "-" in the url that causes all the trouble la :(( quite sad to move. ive been with clarify-.blogspot.com for quite a few years already.

anw "pherenal" is a word i made up. a combination of some choice words, taking separate few meanings of ceaseless (perennial), of the mind (phreno), always (eternal) and one more that i temporarily forgot. haha so absent minded lately.. basically i think the word is just pretty la :)

hell starts all over again tmw :(

PE is :( :( :(

2007-03-25T14:07:00.001+08:00

"Slow down
Things have been a little crazy
Right now
It's time to get away
You can find out
What it is you're really after
Time is on our side
C'mon we're leaving everything behind

You know that sun is shining

We'll keep driving

Doesn't matter where

'Cause we got that open highway

Leading our way

As long as you are there

We can go anywhere

Breakdown

All the pressure that surrounds you

Allow it all to fade away

We can move on

Looking in the rear view mirror

Wave goodbye

C'mon we're leaving everything behind"

-jesse mccartney 'we can go anywhere'

yo chi fan le ma? hahahaha. getting so spastic lately.

being mindless these few days is so darn fun :))

i think that i like and hanker over unattainable things. some anyway. the more unattainable it is, the more i want it. like an additional attraction to it.

2007-03-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

youth today was BRILLIANT =DD
im a very happy soul.
had happy convo with xw about jc & his sajc, had a happy main worship practice with the usual team, had a happy gaying around session with some of the youths during the music teaching sessions, had a happy and enjoyable youth cell leaders training, had a very happy worship, had a happy message, and had a very happy day :)

IKEA-ed for dinner again and i bought a dishy new chair. its crimsom red, oak really soft and comfy! :))))

still havent got my wallet, but no rush really. i dont wanna buy something i dont like.

oh and tokyo juliet has a spastic story line. its a no brainer, and its getting repetitive! but im watchin it cos of wu zun! :)

2007-03-24T03:37:00.000+08:00

and when will that day come?

no more mistakes,
no more mistakes.

2007-03-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

phantom of the opera!

debut night AND best seats in the house! $162 ones :)

the props were just AMAZING.
amazing amazing amazing.

hahaha the guy who played Raoul is quite good looking, and Christine (the lead, not my cousin) is really darn prettier. prettier than her photos too. haha not that christine-my-cousin is not pretty la, she is okay! :)

i enjoyed it. and i bought the phantom book as well. i just forgot whats the proper name for it.

now off to watching more mindless things on youtube!

oh and im 90% moving to pherenal.blogspot.com, but dont relink me yet. i might just become too lazy to move all my old entries, skin, blahblahblah over.

lots of love! and i bought cute chocolates for the livewire! lovelies as well :)

everyone sounds really happy and cheerful. haha man, is jc life repressive or what?

2007-03-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

freakin RETARDED.
my friend (some j1) just told me that blogs with a "-" tend not to show at times. ARGH. no wonder lately, i cant see mine! :( i thought weeyang was seeing things la, or rather NOT seeing things. im considering moving to a new address, dunno bout blogger tho.

anw how were block tests? awful.
aside from all other SCREWY papers, i believe this is the first maths test that i have quite an equal chance of flunking. how sad. i left a couple of qns blank anw and had a horrible migraine during the three-hour paper :(

ANYWAY ITS (@&!^#(@_@*#(!_@#*#&# OVER, THANK GOD!
IM SO DAMN HAPPY.

this weekend im going to do as many mindless things as possible, because i sure wont have the chance to do that very soon! like watching lots of SPASTIC TEEVEE SHOWS (eyecandies!), reading lots of TRASH GOSSIP MAGAZINES, gaming and possibly going to the beach for some fresh air and all that trash.

i had a fun time with serena, adora, zukai, kenichi & kw today at IKEA and TM! haha mucho loves, yes! :) lately ive been spending more time with my classmates, more than ever actually, since i usually split my time among a couple different groups. im enjoying it tho :) haha but not that i dont miss the rest la, cos i do! btw IKEA is brilliant, pure genius! i love their glasswares, i love their candles, i love their pillows, i love their photoframes, i love i love i love! so many things to buy la ok. i will be going back there soon. i only purchased this small cute glass bottle with a cap; im filling it up and giving it to someone who i need to express my thanks :)

yes and this post has lots of :) :) :) :) doesnt it?? =D

haha i tend to rant a bit here, more posts a day often means more :( cos if im so deliriously happy i wont exactly stop half way and think "i must rush home now to blog about this!" wont i? haha :)

tmw am going to the beach to slack probably if i wake up early enough (i.e any time during or before lunch!) then at night is PHANTOM OF THE OPERA =D will be watching it double times. so happens my mom was given tickets to the debut night :)

"so here we go again,

full circle,

full round circle;

the circle of life."

2007-03-21T11:24:00.000+08:00

somehow im consumed by this inexplicable feeling. a some what mix of tiredness, dreariness, emptiness (?) aided by a dull throbbing ache at the side of my head.

cant help feeling a tad gloomy as well.
it IS comparing gatsby and heartofdarkness after all. and i dont think ive exactly read either books even once in complete form. all bits and pieces, bits and pieces.

like im not even doing lit anymore even tho the paper is about an hour away!
i sort of gave up early in the morning. am starting on j1 maths instead. i have no idea how im going to complete ALL j1 maths within perhaps two hours or less.

i hate coughing and choking on my cough during papers. it disrupts my thought process. i could have been in a midst of an EUREKA! moment, but no, the coughing seems to come at all ill opportuned moments.

i wish lit didnt have two separate papers.
id have more time to study for maths then.

i really CANT fail maths. i never have, and i dont wish to break this sort of (good) routine.
but somehow anw, i feel really unprepared..

sigh.

sorry darling/s, im not in a bad mood exactly, but im just... tired i suppose.

give me some strength to fly, to soar.

"and finally, its the keep-on-moving-forward motion,

that keeps us all alive.

and so, its no turning back from here."

we walk our separate routes, you and i

2007-03-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

i forgot to mention that i didnt read the any of the econs extracts, save for one line or two. my friend said they were important- i sure hope NOT! :/ i should have used that MC today tho. wasted. i really need sleep. i look like panda bear despite sleeping every afternoon these few days..

anyhow slacked today. brunched with some class mates before going home to sleep.

wish i could sleep more really.

arent really very worried for lit, cos its kinda like whats done is done. you CANT cram lit no wayyyy! (i think)

i really got to be more hardworking when the school term starts. really.
for a start, doing all or most of my tutorials would be good.

i WILL have fun this week, before the results are out and back to hellish days with the hey-a-levels-are-so-damn-near thoughts and images bombarding me from the teachers, to every other school mate to even my self (self pressure haha).

its weird that i cant view my page. screwy blogger i bet :(

anw the whole lit gatsby thing: i guess in a way life now is like that isnt it? those who are stuck on the past, who are too nostalgic, wont survive. its always the moving on, the moving forwards that propels you to success. HAHA, eh i DO know something about my lit text k! in short, gatsby is quite stupid leh. but the extent of his naivette/stupidity/whatnot and determination is quite admirable eh? too bad it wasnt channeled in the right way.

think its the same for my econs. major set back this year, the first time i scored a flat disgusting zero on my essay. well i answered the wrong question la, but its still zero nonetheless and heavily demoralising and discouraging. as a friend has said, you cant get any worse, its only upwards from down there. yahhhh, but how upwards huh?

"you told me to wait,

but i told you-

i hate waiting."

2007-03-20T13:32:00.000+08:00

so. in short

ive gotten quite sick during this block test period. how unlucky.
i hate swallowing pills btw. haha sounds stupid but i have to cut my pills into tiny pieces esle i cant swallow them. lawl.

history was its usual (eww) self
lit was quite a shocker. i pretty much hate all williams around now. william shakespeare and william blake be blamed!
econs. well. i was coughing more than concentrating on the paper :(

heck. two more subjects and its SLACKING TIME! =DD

"and you said we'd make it thru"

2007-03-18T14:53:00.000+08:00

small things make michelle ridiculously happy.

church, more so, brightens up my entire day. im glad i went today instead of slouching at home and emoing and trying to study.

haha i just hope i can get enough done later on.
sleep first la. :)

church never fails to drain out all my energy. oh and uncle siowhui's msg today was good. i didnt accidentally doze off for a bit at all! =DD

"and i believe in the One called Saviour"

He who gives all hope :)

2007-03-18T00:46:00.000+08:00

im getting ridiculously scared.

terrified
alarmed
anxious
apprehensive
distressed
strung out
wrecked
rattled.

my slackerish disposition does not help, DAMN IT!

i hate being a wreck. oh God.

2007-03-17T22:47:00.000+08:00

freak. i lost my post for the THIRD time, well damn it.

anw im pretty much into the likes of lifehouse, the afters & co. :) would you call it emo rock? im not too sure.

oh i meant to say this earlier:
i love nicole!

thanks for being there. but then again thats what best friends are for right!
from whinging bout annoying boys to school and what not! well, you would be much more appreciated if you came back from melbourne for good :)

people are like trains. if youre on the same path its alright, but what happens when the path diverges, and separate ways are chosen? you read the map first before you go, stupid.

oh i know i initially said i would not be going tmw morning for service but i guess i missed church and its lovelies so very much! :)

"When all your plans are made out lying on the floor
And all your dreams are turning into nothing more
When all your hope has left you know you're not alone
Just hold on
Hold on

Tell me everything you need now anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall
Yeah, When you come undone
When you come undone

You know I can't be like everybody

Cause I can't tell you what you want to hear

I don't know if I can make it better

All I know is I will be around"

-lifehouse

thanks.

2007-03-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

you know what. i always wanted to be REALLY GOOD at something, anything.

gah its so nice to be able to say "im pretty much fast on the maths" or "i can grasp those lit symbolism/imageries/concepts easy", or just shrug your shoulders and not even THINK about it, whatever it is.

im good at nothing. im not artsyfartsy, neither have i any inclinations to the sciences, or to sports. lazy is (or rather, used to be) my middle name la. i improved recently already ok :) uncle Choy didnt yell across the track/field the past few PE lessons to quit dawdling.

and its not good for nothing la. its good AT nothing.

i want to be brilliant at mathsliteconshistgp kthx!
i'd love to be talented at tinkering with those ivory keys and be as good as darlenezschech
and it'd be a big big bonus if i can be as fast as that crazy ghanas, or whatever country nut, i see on teevee, and not so lazy please!

freaking MSN wont log me in :(

btw chinese dramas are brilliant. seriously! the channel8 7pm one is pure thrill while the channelU 7pm one is pure yummyness. i keep switching from channel to channel to the annoyance of my mother/brother/aunty/whoever else. wuzun is damn good looking la, its just not fair. not for me, but for the rest of the asian male population! he should have shared some of his good looking genes la. its like an unequal good-genes distribution! hahaha is there a genes' version of the Gini Coefficient? LMAO.

anw ill trust in Him to help me thru next week. being that i havent touched my j1 math, completed reading ANY of my lit texts, history being in it usual bits and pieces and econs.. gah. econs is pure demoralising. i need a miracle ok? :) haha. im TRYING la alright, for a change.

its time to get used to trying more often.

"you said you'd catch a falling star if i asked you to"

2007-03-16T17:58:00.000+08:00

gosh. this laptop is so WEIRD. it gigantises EVERYTHING in the IE browser. zomg. im not blind la hello!

after block tests im gnna party for at least one week straight! hahaha im busy planning and thinking of possibilities of filling all my days up already =D

anw i just realised how DAMN fickle alot guys are at the teenaged age. hahaha. no offence.
its amazin that some of them should happily jump into relationships.

sorry la. im kind of a cynic lately.

doing QT daily is giving me new insights. haha no more forgetting to do it yea :)

"we dance to a different beat"

2007-03-15T22:13:00.000+08:00

and i think im the only freaking loser who is able to blog EVERYDAY and dunno how many times a day too. wah. im like DAMN FREE CAN. does that mean everyone is actually studying?

blog hopping is dull.
all friends have ceased updating anything. a friend msged me earlier saying "internet is evil. its like cigarettes."

how dramatic right? :/

2007-03-15T21:55:00.000+08:00

trying to study history is a dragggggg.

gah. i should have been SMARTER and taken chemistry instead!

anw im not too sure why im in arts fac lol. im not that brilliant at it. "jack of all trades, master of none" is an apt phrase.

wilfred has kindly slammed the door on my face, on my (somewhat) hopes and confirmed my impending doom.
even the slacker says i started way too late. should i even bother to study then? hah

i attempted to go wallet shopping today. the only decent ones were from guess? but they werent that nice either. ended up buying a truck load of stationery instead. consumerism as a form of escapism? but SO GHEY LA, the idea of buying stationery as a form of escape!

oh God. i think my life is sad to have reached such low point as this :/

anyhow! not going to church this weekend makes me feel :(((((((

i need more CDs. im running out of things/songs/noises to keep me awake. kindly donate your planetshakers/castingcrowns/theafters/passion or whatever else to me please! 987FM's hiphop is *!&^@)@*#^# annoying!

poseurs. RAWR

2007-03-15T00:40:00.000+08:00

im wiped out.

i shall see if im attending church both services this weekend. im not missing church on a whim okay. somehow i cant seem to get much work done :(

was talking to kenneth koh earlier, kinda a bad habit of calling people by their full names. anyway he was saying Ssq was kinda dead. its kind of sad yes? too bright a start, too fast a fall. :/ ah well.

my current favourite song: Beautiful Love by the Afters. a style similar to coldplay i reckon. i the lyrics are kind of cheesy but i like the music! =D

From far away, I feel your beating heart

All alone, beneath the crystal stars

I'm staring into space, what a lonely face

I'll try to find my place with you

Chorus:

What a beautiful smile

Can I stay for a while

On this beautiful night

We'll make everything right

My beautiful love

Larger than the moon, my love for you

Worlds collide, as heaven pulls us through

The secret of the world is written in the stars

I'm carrying your heart in mine

Maybe a greater thing will happen

Maybe all will see

Maybe our love will catch like fire

As it burns through me

2007-03-14T14:32:00.000+08:00

uneventful cept that i bought some christian mini cards and that stuff. haha i cant resist ok. its just BUY BUY BUY!

study updates: status quo as of yesterday. yay i rock =.=

JC life is a hell hole.

plenty of superficial/on-the-surface friends, gossip, bitching, competition, rivalry.
im not saying all my friends are superficial k, im refering to the nature of some of the friendships. its pretty much touch-and-go for most; its understandable, we just dont have the time.

i was reading and searching wikipedia for fun on the background of the genre of christian music. U2 is christian surprisingly. and apparently amy lee from evanescence went to youth camp. im not sure if shes christian anymore tho. the afters is christian =D Beautiful Love is quite an artistic and listener-friendly piece. reliant k is christian. jars of clay, brian littrell, third day. think ill go buy more CDs once i have more time to listen :) music is pure love.

oh and Happy 19th Birthday Leon! :D
i dunno when you'll read this, but happy birthday all the same! enjoy your block holidays for now and dread the next sign in haha.

"i lift my eyes to the hills

where does my help come from?

my help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth."

"for those who wait on the LORD will soar on wings

like eagles"